Hello.

Hello.

Long time no bloggy blog. Yeah well. I guess I’m not really sure how to write and what to write when everything and nothing is happening all at the same time.

I don’t even really take time to poke people on Friendster anymore. It’s now really just a matter of trying not to throw up on my keypad at work everyday. Never mind the nepotism, never mind the racism, never mind the slander, and never mind the sheer stupidity. And then, at the end of the day, when I feel I’ve been successful in my mission, I still feel very depressed because not throwing up at work and subsequently succeeding at concealing my disgust at the departmental dysfunction of which I am, apparently, the ugly step-child, is NOT an accomplishment!

At no point in the last 10 years did I set on my list of goals. 1) Get yourself a job that will turn out to disgust you and stay there so you can pay your bills, but...don’t throw up.

The need to survive can really derail one’s dreams, one’s state of mind, one’s priorities and one’s perspective. It causes almost a sort of amnesia. I find myself there at my desk cheering myself on for holding back yet another gag, and once I catch myself I look around and ask, “Is this for real?” I mean, is this really my life in this moment? Where did things go wrong? I mean, if I had even just $20,000 in the bank would I still be sitting here? (hell to the naw.)

And then, somewhere in a parallel reality I also know that everything is right. I do have a job to complain about after all. And, even though I caught the flu, which screwed up my plans (big time!), I’ve been preparing for a very exciting creative opportunity (shhh!) which may turn out to be the answer to my prayers. The excitement alone has been saving me and I guess there are two ways this could go.

1) I’ll be given the opportunity that I’m preparing for and I’ll be rescued from my detestable day job.

2) I'll...Well...Let’s focus on number one. Focusing on number one is saving my life right now, and that’s the point.

That is the point. Find something worth focusing on, and try not to throw up on everything else.