Last Night I Dreamt

Last night I dreamt I was falling in love. It was such a beautiful dream and much better than the one I had the night before, during which I actually fell in the mud. Maybe there is some connection.

No this time, there was a man. I’m quite sure he was Middle Eastern, or maybe he was South East Asian. We were sitting on an army green couch in an empty room with ivory walls. Just him and I. I was perched by his side trying to map the contour of his face with my hands. Each finger engaged in the excavation of joy. Trying to find the Allah there in each crevice or maybe even a forgotten OM. Trying to find all of the places where he had been, and love each one.

His arm circled around my waist as if to brace me for the unavoidable breaking point of anything this good. Some say that this is not necessarily so, this breaking point, but all I have is experience and even my dreams know this.

There on the couch in a strangely empty room, I burrowed into him like a bird in a nest trying to find a position perfect enough to protect her egg. He liked the way I burrowed and he showed me is straight white teeth. He smelled extraordinary, like soil and cinnamon and rain at once. His eyes opened like golden pools when he looked at me, and they were covered by a dark veil of lashes when he looked away. The shape of his lips, the weight of his hands on my body as I perched there now in his lap looking into his face, was pure grace. He made me feel smaller somehow, compared to the broadness of his shoulders and I liked this. I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt loved. And he did love me. He held me like a precious jewel. There was no doubt.

I’m not sure what it was that ripped me out of this dream. I gladly would have lived there forever. But I broke into reality. Sleep shattered and the shards flew into my chest. I held my breath hoping that I could stop this. And I gasped when the inevitable set in. There I was in my musty little basement apartment. Alone. The feeling familiar but unwanted. Good f’n morning.