To Bathe or Not to Bathe? That is the question.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a class of people, mainly women, who refuse to shower at the gym.

Now, after one of the most awkward and outrageous moments in my life, during which I came out of the shower at the gym, and an old Asian lady said to me, “You know, I’m a lady, but when I see you I want to make a sex,” I think the topic warrants some discussion.

To bathe or not to bathe? That is the question. When confronted with a question such as this, there are many factors to consider:

1) Do you produce girly sweat or manly sweat? (These are technical fitness terms if you didn’t know.) Now, if you’re like me and you produce manly sweat, I mean, if when you’re done with your work out you actually look like someone dunked you in a pool of salt water and then shook you, then you probably don’t want to sit your sweaty behind in the car, unless you’re one of those weird people who carries around large plastic bags for such occasions. Manly sweat = shower at the gym.

2) Are you afraid of public nudity? If the answer is yes, then go home because you’re going to see a whole lot of things that you don’t want to see. There may be a few things you do want to see, but that’s just wrong, so go home.

3) If you get cruised by an old lady, are you the type to laugh? Or are you the type to shrink and die? If you know who you are, you’ll know what to do.

Now if you happen to be a gay man the implications, as usual, are totally different. I have a friend at work who is a gay, and he told me that taking a shower at the gym is actually a way for a gay man to pick up a date! Now I know this sounds wrong and controversial, but he told me so!

So, as you can see here in the thesis I have so nicely laid out, when deciding whether or not to shower at the gym, you must consider this: do you want go home sweaty and possibly ruin your car seats, but avoid public nudity and the mixed bag that comes along with it? Or do you want to go home fresh and clean and just try to forget the old lady who walked in on you when you were scrubbing your….toes. (That one happened today.)

Um…if you’re a gay then…just go for it!

Readers: "A gay?" Are you serious?

Akosua Miracle: Yes dude, my best friend is a gay.